


Goodbye

by HoneyDoodleGem_1416



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Implied Relationships, Insanity, M/M, Post-Time Skip, Spoilers, lawlight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-30 00:45:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19031323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneyDoodleGem_1416/pseuds/HoneyDoodleGem_1416
Summary: Last chance to avoid spoilers!It's been five years since the day of L's death at the hands of Kira. Light takes the time one night to reflect on L's death... and the time they spent close to one another since the blossoming of their doomed relationship during the Yotsuba Arc.





	Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> I really enjoy writing and would love any feedback that I can get! This work is inspired by Spoken Word, so if anyone knows and appreciates what this style of writing/speaking is, then I hope you enjoy my take on it. Also, if this goes well, I have another short work that is akin to this one except it is written from L's perspective, rather than Light's, that I might post. Who knows? Hope you enjoy!

It’s been five long years since that fateful day. The day that I held your beautiful, dying frame in my arms as you left this world; as you left me. It was my victory. 

I tasted the sweetness that comes with knowing you’ve won; that your challenge, your goal, was reached. 

I swallowed the sadness that comes with knowing I’ll never see you again. The biting loneliness of death. 

It was the bitter-sweetness that comes with knowing that you gave me your heart. You let me cut it, destroy it, even though you knew who I was. You knew I was *Kira* but you did it anyway. You let me kill you, let me have the satisfaction of loving you while you caused your own demise. That was sweet and I still taste it now. Taste your lips, thirst for your paling body, crave your blood that could only be spilled by *MY* hands. 

But it was bitter too. I loved you. I still do. I understood that I must do it but that I would be alone; that I would never touch you again, never see you again, never hear you again, never meet your gaze and your eyes again. I’d be alone. There’s no one else. No other challenge. It was only you. 

We fit together perfectly, like we were made for each other. Our minds, our bodies, our abilities, our passion were all in such a great likeness. We were puzzle pieces, matched. 

It was bitter. I still taste it. The dull aches in my mouth, in my chest, in my head, and everywhere that is without you. 

I miss you. I knew it had to end this way. You were always too stubborn and you would never see that it is my burden; that I’m the only one who can change the world and cleanse it of evil. You could never see me as justice. You could never take my side; you could never join me, love me, nor shape the world for the better with me. 

It was bitter that day with the rain pouring hard and fast, the world crying for you, for me, for fate. 

That day was delicious. The way you clung to me and I held you tight for the last time. How you looked at me with your deep, inkwell eyes, holding my gaze until you softly shut your eyes forever. The way your desperate breaths hitched and all the memories that flooded my mind at that sacred sound. Your limp body, full of peace, that ran cold in my arms and stopped breathing. I wanted you. Your always chaotic, raven hair, your never-ending, calculating gaze which resonates from large, beautiful eyes with thick lashes and delicate traces of tiredness, your pale skin which would send warmth through my body and was now cooling satisfyingly under my touch, your soft pink lips and masterful tongue that I felt, that I loved, that I shuddered under. 

I wanted them more than ever, to see you kiss me one last time and to know that you had given yourself to me. I wanted your long, delicate hands to run through my skin with your perfect touch. You were so beautiful, so right, that I almost didn’t want it to end. 

But I tasted the sweetness. The addicting, delicious, lustful taste that came with knowing that you were mine. I had already claimed you. Your lips, your body, and your love were already mine. On that day you were mine then and forever more. I claimed your heart which you gave to me. I destroyed it. I claimed you. You were always mine and you died mine by my hands, by my plan, by my will, by my love. 

I miss you. Life goes on and justice is never done, it never sleeps; but the back of my mind echos with your image, with your fading voice. 

I would tell you everything that I couldn’t before if you were here now. I would do more: love you more, end you more, taste more of that bitter-sweetness that I crave. I thirst for you.

Five long years and I’m starting to forget. Sometimes I can’t remember what your face looks like. The images of you that I have burned into my head start to blur and I *NEED* to see you again. I need to remember. 

Remember the way your thick, black hair fell across your face, delicately sweeping into your eyes and across your pale skin. 

Remember your delicate nose which was slightly, elegantly upturned. 

Remember your lips: plush, soft, warm, welcoming, consuming. 

Remember your beautiful frame: your smoothe, inviting neck, your broad shoulders, your strong chest, your thin waist accompanied by perfect hips. 

Remember your voice: deep and smoothe, your monotone lilt and the ability to command a room, your bored demeanor, how all that changed when you talked to me. Your voice, kind and warm when we joked and I held you close. Your voice, deeper and tempting when you whispered to me, when you kissed me, when you became me. Your voice, your rare laugh, your fleeting but genuine smile. Your voice, desperate and wanting as I teased you, as I touched you, as I loved you. Your voice, which still rings in the back of my head, clear as day but dulling by the second.

Remember all those secrets, every unspoken conversation communicated by our eyes.

Remember how you felt held close against me: your head resting against my chest, your heart beat a dull, pleased thrum, your soft breaths warming my skin and filling the air, you pressed against me but *NEVER* close enough. 

If you were here, you’d look at me with that sure, calculating leer and tell me that it was me, the real me. You would call my name and tell me to stay, tell me to fight, tell me to remember. I would look back at you and narrow my eyes lovingly. I would say through my smirk that it has been me all along. I would tell you this, even as your image blurred and distorted in my mind, as the black waves of clarity washed over my thoughts once again: *Justice*. 

Even now I can’t remember. I see your outline, I see faded flashes of memories that we made together, I strain to hear your voice, I desperately feel your touch, I hear your heart beating. And then nothing. 

Your outline is replaced by a black notebook. Memories morph into endless lists of names and faces. Your voice goes silent and a cacophony of harsh cackling makes my head throb. Your touch, the feeling of you pressing down hard on my chest, your face buried in my neck, fades until I am alone again, the traces of you gone from my skin. Your rhythmic, addicting heart beat slows until it is nothing, until I feel cold. I miss you. 

I lose more and more of you with every passing day, every passing year. I keep forgetting, barely remembering. 

Life goes on. *Justice* lives, *Kira* lives, *I* live. My new world will be cleansed of evil, of criminals, of fear, of oppression, and I will sit at the head of it all. No one else can do this but me. No one else could ever bear the burden. I am the only one. I was chosen for a reason and I will live for my new world, for justice. 

Of course, you could never see that in me, could you? I am *Justice*. 

It was sweet that day. 

It was bitter that day. 

It was consuming that day. 

I will never be able to tell what your last message to me was, what your look meant. No matter how much I could analyze you, read your thoughts, become you, I could never understand that look. It plagues me every day. The anger that comes with you having the last word, with you leaving me to wonder, to crave, to never understand. The regret that surrounds my chest in the middle of the night, wrapping it’s cold grip around my heart and pulling me down, drowning me, until I wake up gasping for air. The sweetness that comes with your last action, your last thought, your last look being for me. That you were mine and I consumed you. 

My work is never done but I do not tire. I see progress amongst the people, amongst the nations, amongst the world. It all happened that day because of you. I won; you let me win. You left me; you gave me everything. I loved you; I lost you. 

I thirst for you. I remember. I remember the day after you left. I remember taking your place, securing justice, smirking, victorious. I remember turning to my left, where you should have been. I remember seeing you. I remember you turning towards me. I remember you smiling. I remember you speaking, your words inaudible. I remember you telling me you love me. I remember, but I’m already starting to forget. I need to forget. 

Moving forward has never been hard. The world needs its God, its *Justice*. 

All of these thoughts I think about you. All of these thoughts I would tell you if you were still here. But even Gods tire. Sitting alone at my desk in the middle of the night, the dim   
glow of a candle the only light in the room as I write, is taxing. It’s pointless. What’s done is done and there is so much to look forward to. 

I thirst for you. 

I hunger for you. 

I crave you. 

Five years ago it was sweet. 

Five years ago it was bitter. 

Five years ago I swallowed the sadness. 

Five years ago I devoured your delicious form. 

It's been five years and I still remember. It's been five years and I’m starting to forget. 

It’s been five years and I’m alone. 

….

Justice must prevail. 

Goodbye L.


End file.
